Artist in Winter

To become a full member of the secret Ancient Order of Painters’Lodge requires one to paint 1) a masterpiece, 2) a nude and 3) a self-portrait. Now the masterpiece is determined by the Secret Committee so that is out of my hands. I have put off painting the other two, but one can’t count on living forever, so I best tackle at least one of the other requirements. The only bare naked lady I believe I can safely paint is my wife, but my wife teaches at a high school deep in the rural middle west of America and the prospect of a painting of a naked Mrs. Litka on the web being discovered by the students or staff of this high school boggles the mind. And, well, posting it on the web would be half the fun... However, she’ll be retiring in June, so we’ll just let that slide a little. That leaves the stupid self-portrait, I mean, what did they invent cameras for anyways? But rules are rules, no matter how stupid.

I should also note that my arch-rival, Lucian Freud's self-portrait with a black eye is set to fetch something like £4 million at auction. I must make amends.

First off, I would like to state that I didn’t get to where I am on good looks. Secondly, I could not paint a straight up and down portrait even if I wanted to. Which I didn’t. So I called on my inner Vincent, put on my artist face and didn’t comb my hair and went at it. You will note that I have two sweaters on over my shirt. It is do damn cold in this garrett that even the rats with their fur coats want to cuddle with you to keep warm and you don’t shoo them away.

SPECIAL BONUS

While I’m primarily a painter, I have written one poem, and this seems like a good time to share it with you.

old man in the mirror (to be read aloud in a very whinny voice)

who is that
that old man in the mirror?
where did he come from?
why won’t he go?

c litka

12x16” 30x40cm acrylic on hardboard

DISCLAIMER: Since it is possible that the above might be read in places in this world where it might not be clear that much of the above is an attempt at humor, I will state this: please take nothing I say, or paint seriously. I don’t. (Especially the part about the Ancient order of Painters -- they’d kill me if they found out I let the cat out of the bag...)